big goddamn night.

thank god school has ended today.
I gave boomshine my cell by the way.
let's see if he ever calls.
harhar
NOT.

so I was talking to aislin.
he told me rachel told him I had a teeny crush on him.
ironic turn of events.
basically, I wrote a pretty simple song to rachel.
so things are remotely cool.

things are awkward as hell though.
he hasn't made it clear that he doesn't like me,
but of course he doesn't,
I SUCK.

I hate myself the most though.
first, for letting something like this happen.
(expected it all along.)
second, for wanting a response from him.
maybe it's just feminine nature.
but still,
I've got that sick feeling in my stomach.

it was weird,
rachel was telling me how she kind of knew all along,
and how she was preparing for the argument that would follow;
to try to come up with something to win.

am I a formidable opponent?
I wonder if come across... unrelenting?
I hope not,
I AM capable of realizing I'm a huge dumbass, you know.

I probably won't sleep.
maybe I'll watch mtv.

something else weird,
that was the first time I had come up with a song off the top of my head like that.
something else,
I talk pretty eloquently when I'm all emotional.

weeeeeeeeird.
night.